I find it sad and unsettling that there are many people that use complaining as a form of connection. There are many people that use chaos and disease as a form of connecting as well.  

People might think that complaining is endearing and relating.  IT IS NOT! Although, it is relatable! I see it as self destructive and self diminishing. It is unloving and unsettling to the person complaining and to those listening to the complaints. Of course this is a form of social connecting and a lot of people just jump on in and start their litany of complaints and then everyone thinks they are in connection when all they did was stay in a regression of sorts. 

There is a difference when we speak about our likes and dislikes during our day. We have experiences that are joyous and some not so much and we can narrate those. Wondering how many understand the difference between narrating our daily experiences and complaining about them?

My observation around this is that people have forgotten how to feel and if you can’t feel your body or feel what is happening around you then you are making up a story.  A story about what “you think” you are feeling. And then I will go even further and say… what you think you are feeling is predicated on what has happened to you in the past. 

“Don’t let the past remind us of what we are not now…” Suite Judy Blue Eyes ~ Crosby, Stills and Nash

So everything that is happening in the present moment is dictated by some incident or experience that you have experienced in the past. Unless you are willing and desiring to STOP the internal chatter that you believe is present and update those “internal thinking files”  to bring yourself forward then you will ALWAYS be driven by past experiences (or future ideas) without becoming aware of what is actually taking place presently.

Now that was a mouthful! I will try to break this down so that it becomes more palatable and acceptable. I feel annoyed by people allowing themselves to be swept away by negativity, diminishment and belittlement. You might ask “Why is she annoyed?” I ask myself that question because I desire to know myself and what is creating this feeling to rise inside of me.  It reminds me of my history. It reminds me of everything that I did not like about my history and upbringing. So now here it is. I am annoyed in present moment and I am also aware of where this annoyance was birthed. I can run with the historic information or I can bring myself forward and STOP that train in its tracks. 

There are many people and present philosophies that say ~ “You are an adult” “You have free will” “Stop whining and just get on with things!” And those statements piss me off to no end. And here is why. If you are not aware of what you are doing then you can use those words and act as if you are an adult but you are being driven by the young parts that have not been healed and resolved. Of course this is my opinion and there are thousands or even millions of others that can refute or disagree with my statements. And that is fine. My desire in this moment is to voice my knowing. Voice my beliefs and my wisdom around this subject. 

I see countless people being run by their complaints and believe that they are actually having a conversation. I understand this! However, I do not welcome it in my world. I will be tolerant of it for a time and then I want to know ~

“How does this serve your present moment experience?” 

“How does this complaining enhance your life?” 

“Do you have any conscious connection to what you are saying?”

“Do you realize that these types of words and this type of talking brings more of that to you?” 

“Do you realize that you can’t get over there (wherever over there is individually) from this vantage point of complaining?”

We wake up each day with the opportunity to start the day with new thought. But I have witnessed that people wake up and begin again where they left off. So if you left off with complaints dancing around then that is where you will begin a new day. Unless we are willing to STOP that chatter and START a new thought then we are just reliving ourselves over and over again from a past idea of who we are. It reminds me of the movie Groundhog Day. We can view ourselves and change up some things but unless we actually take command of our thinking then we are right down that rabbit hole of prior existence and experiences. 

You didn’t know any better as a child and this pattern of complaining was probably what you heard, witnessed and experienced and you just continued the pattern.

~How often do you start your sentences with a complaint?

~How many times during your days do you notice a complaint being said or being formed to be said?

~Are you aware of your complaining? This is a big one. A lot of us are not even aware that some of the words that we are speaking are actually complaints. This is where the real work of change happens. 

~Watch the complaint rising and change it into a narration about how you are feeling about something. Big Difference!

Example: (this is one of my narrations-anyone who knows me knows this one well ) “It’s so fucking cold today and I can’t stand the cold!” “I want to be somewhere warm in the winter!” “Why do I stay in such a cold climate?” “I don’t resonate with this weather but I see that I am starting to feel less resistance to it after all these years!” Usually laughter happens at this point. I am not looking for engagement around the cold weather. I am venting, sharing and narrating my life experience and I am also in awareness of my lack of joy around the cold weather. And I continually work on trying to not even state the above discomfort around the cold~and that hasn’t completely happened yet. However, I am in total awareness of these statements and am trying my best to narrate them without engagement. 

This is where you have the opportunity to break this chain of habitual complaining and create a new form of verbal connection. It all starts with Awareness!

In every moment we are in choice of our brief physical existence.

Do you want to live it in unconscious complaining about things that are present in your life?

Try this out if you are willing to watch yourself without judgement. 

~Watch yourself with loving curiosity.

~This is your opportunity to live a more vibrant, present, fun and happy life. 

You have to be willing to put in the time and effort and Yes it will take effort to change this. This is an ingrained habit that has been past down to us since ~ I think Forever!