“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
Helen Keller

I woke up sad today?

I noticed that I wanted to stop that feeling because I am in paradise. My logical mind or more accurately stated, my critical mind/voice yelled inside “what’s wrong with you. You are in Mexico in a beautiful home, eating wonderful food, relaxing, enjoying the company of amazing friends and you have the nerve to feel sad!”

OK, this is where my years of deep diving into my inner world took over. I immediately looked at these thoughts. YES, I looked at the thoughts. I didn’t just think them. I revisited them after they tried to take hold of me. I stopped myself and reflected on what I was thinking.

I broke down the words and connected to the feeling that those particular words stirred inside of me.

So here goes— I woke up this morning with a feeling of sadness. What was my body doing and feeling for me to recognize the sad feeling? I laid in bed and scanned my body and felt strong and healthy and rested. So I knew it wasn’t a physical sensation that was causing my sad feeling. I continued laying there and had a feeling of tears starting to rise. I allowed for that sensation to move and while the tears were brewing I noticed that I actually didn’t feel like crying. It was a thought that was prompting the sensation of tears which was actually being stimulated by the sad feeling that I thought I was having.

Now I want to point something out. This was happening all in a matter of a few minutes. So what was “really” going on. I continued to lay in bed and ask myself some nurturing and loving questions.

-What it is that you are actually feeling in this very moment, Diane? At this moment I want to point out to you that I really do say my name when I ask myself some questions. I call this the witness part of myself asking the other parts of myself how can we connect and describe the feelings in the moment.

You see the feelings in the moment are trying to run the show. They are doing their best to take over my present moment experience. This is where it can get very confusing and at times seem debilitating.

I will start to break down this process so you can follow it and understand one of the ways I help others make sense of a system that I created to connect to emotions in a new and vibrant way. This process is the cornerstone of all my work for myself and the people that work with me. It’s called The Art of Emotional Connection.

-Back to my waking up moment— What I was actually feeling was relaxed and calm. Here is where it can get involved and will need your attention and focus. These are the parts that I am passionate about.

Question: If I am feeling relaxed and calm then where is this sadness coming from? This is an inquiry that needs to be asked in silence and the answer will be revealed through internal reflection.

So If I am feeling calm and relaxed, my body is strong and rested then once again I ask where is this sadness coming from?

I AM CURIOUS!

Immediately as I sit in the silence and reflection of this question I have a memory of my childhood. The scenes are different but the feeling sensation is the same. As a child I was pretty carefree (I imagine like most children) but my parents weren’t. They were stressed and worried and not calm. My father had a volatile personality and the violence through his words, actions or energy was always present for me. This energy kept me on edge never knowing when the next strike would happen. It could be physical, with words or the emotional strikes.

And I think and know –there it is!
The reason for my sadness.

The breakdown of this process-
1-I identified the sadness
2-I determined that it is not a present moment feeling
3-I then understood cognitively that it is a past thought rising through the present moment wanting to take me over and take hold
4-With this information I can then feel my body relax and respond to what is present and what is past
5-I call this part —updating my internal files
6-Then the old story and the new moment can blend for me to recalibrate
-I woke up sad. (period!- meaning end of sentence)
-I am having a good time. (period!)
-As a child when I was having a good time and being silly and maybe loud my parents mostly shut me down because they couldn’t embrace the joy in their own stressed lives.

So here I am present moment knowing that I am the creator of this reality in this moment. I am no longer that young child feeling scared and limited in the amount of joy and fun and silliness and loudness and abundance I can have.

However, for whatever reason this morning my body remembered the feeling sensations of the child and wanted to be seen, heard, validated, nurtured and mostly loved for all of her feelings and emotions. 

By doing this process that part of my psyche was validated and re-parented as I recognized her (the child parts) needs. I call it a re-boot of my internal system.

I hope this can help you connect to those old operating systems inside of you. Just as we are always updating our technology we MUST update our internal operating systems as well. What we perceive as present a lot of times is an old operating systems that can no longer work effectively.

I hope this process can help you to bring yourself forward in your life when certain sensations try to take you over. Maybe now you will be able to say… I need a REBOOT! 

I would love to hear from you with any comments or stories of your own.